Changing your oil, if you know what I mean…

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In theory, changing the oil on your lawn tractor is one of the easiest mechanical challenges one can tackle.

There’s a drain plug – plastic of course. To keep things clean, you attach a small drain hose, turn the plug to the left, pull – and the spent oil quickly drains into your container of choice. Push plug in, turn to the right, add new oil through the dipstick nozzle – good to go.

Now, let me take you through a lawn tractor’s oil change at my place. First, take twenty frustrating minutes to find the hose…and then finally realize you’d put it on the seat of the tractor. Attach the hose to the specially designed plastic drain plug. Grab one of those EPA approved oil containers otherwise known as “an empty laundry detergent bottle.” Place the other of the hose into the top. Ready to go! Now turn plug to the left and pull…

“Son of a…!”

…pull the drain-plug plumb off the tractor, hose and all – and watch oil drain all over the tractor’s frame, pooling on the floor of the garage.

Now, frantically try and put the plug back in place, oil oozing all over your hands, splashing onto your cheeks, filling the garage floor like a relentless tsunami crashing ashore.

Finally – chuck the plug and hose across the garage…let the oil do whatever the hell it wants…and take a walk to the top of the drive before you start smashing random valuables in the garage.

No…you won’t catch me singing the praises of those fancy plastic drain plugs that make today’s oil changes so remarkably easy; but Sparkle paper towels – very impressive. One roll can mop up nearly 3-quarts.