Instantly Eliminate Skunk Odor

NoSkunk
I just got back from Dollar General, where I purchased a gallon of hydrogen peroxide and enough baking soda to deodorize several hundred refrigerators. Next time, I’ll have everything I need…

It was late – a dark moonless night, and well below freezing. As my exhausted wife and I stood on the front porch, the aggressive barking of our dog Squirt pierced the black. My first thought was that she’d cornered another unsuspecting possum. Then something else pierced the darkness, far more overpowering than growls and yips: A wave of putrid stench…the unmistakable scent of skunk.

Damn it.

As our sneezing attack-rat came bounding back home, it was obvious she had been the glandular provocateur, covered in fetor from head to tail. I’ve been around dogs my entire life, and up until this point, I took for granted how thankful I was to have never endured this unpleasantness. Not a regular tomato juice drinker, the old wives’ tale was out of the question. So I instinctually did what all humans have evolved to do when encountering the unknown…I consulted the oracle, Google.

The oracle never disappoints.

The ultimate solution…involves creating one’s own solution out of “common household ingredients” (unless it’s the middle of the night and your dog has just been sprayed by a skunk – then you don’t have any of this crap!) Anyway, here’s what you need:

Squirt. The glandular provocateur.
Squirt. The glandular provocateur.
  • Hydrogen peroxide
  • Baking soda
  • Dish soap

Mix a large bottle of peroxide with 1/4 cup of baking soda. Add a few drops of dish soap. Shake it, stir it, mix it – just do it quickly because the stupid dog absolutely reeks. You didn’t let the dog in the house did you?!

Pour this stuff over the dog and rub it into the fur. Then grab buckets of warm water from the kitchen to rinse it off, because it’s 20-degrees and you shut-off the outside faucets three weeks ago. Drag the writhing, freaked-out, freezing dog into the bathroom and give it a warm bath with your choice of dog-shampoo. Done.

Sincerely, you will be amazed at how the skunk’s stench is neutralized on-contact by this miracle of chemistry. Basically, the peroxide and baking soda combine to find and PULVERIZE every sulfur atom on your dog…or something sciency like that. It’s impressive. If you click on the skunk’s ass above, there’s a nice video explaining how it all works.

I hope this helps you in your time of need…but something tells me you’ve found this at 2:00am, with only a tablespoon of hydrogen peroxide and a 3-year-old box of baking soda in the ‘fridge. Hey, mix what you have and put it on the dog, it’ll work. And we’ll see you at Dollar General tomorrow!