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I find it profoundly interesting that since we’ve spent a little more time together, my potty-trained, 3-year-old niece has decided now would be a good time to revert from training…and start draining in her drawers again.
‘Cause you know, there are so many different ways one can look at this…
1) Could be that I just make her laugh a lot…a sign of a great sense of humor and a lust for life. She’s so wrapped up in having a good time, in being entertained, she simply can’t control the human body’s natural instinct to…purge the bladder and relieve the kidneys? Of course, that doesn’t explain the random pants-spritzing she delivered on the way back from day-care yesterday…
2) Perhaps it’s all the beer I’ve been forcing her to drink…Oh, come on – that certainly couldn’t be it – she’s one of us…
3) Maybe it’s simpler than that. Maybe it has to do with the excitement level associated with spending so much time with someone like me. I mean, if you’re listening to this – you probably know me…a little bit. The time we spend together is exciting, isn’t it? Especially if we’re running chainsaws, or endeavoring some remodel project, or simply cooking with propane. It usually gets your heart-rate up – you generally feel a little pressure due-south of the navel…right before the explosion, or ambulance ride to the hospital. These are exciting times spent with me – I can understand the relapse!
4) Or, number-4 – And this certainly couldn’t be it! Maybe it’s that subconscious, I’m a 3-year-old, and I demand a little more attention from you than the attention you’re devoting to that worthless sack of trash with whom I happen to share a bloodline. Okay – I get it – you don’t spend a lot of time together; but I could care less that he’s essentially a mirror-image of daddy – you take just 10-seconds of your attention off me and…oh no. Whoops – I think I may have peed a little. How did that happen?! – So embarrassing!
Truth is – kids are beyond smart…even when they have no clue of their intelligence. Layla, sweety – I know exactly what you’re doing…even though you don’t have a clue.
Trust me when I say, I am absolutely NO THREAT to the attention your mommy and daddy give you; but I will tell you this. When you become an adult, your current technique doesn’t work so well. I can tell you from experience, when you piss your pants standing in line at the DMV…that doesn’t mean you’ll get the attention you feel you’ll deserve any quicker. It just means you’ll have to spend the next 90-minutes standing around with a soggy crotch, freaking out the people around you, facing potential arrest for public indecency.
I impart this knowledge…because I love you…
