Babies are awesome?

Actually, they’re disgusting, self-absorbed, chubby foul-creatures who demand nearly every waking moment of your attention just to survive. When they’re not filling a diaper, they’re demanding more boob time or a bottle…

And come on – really? If something’s truly bothering you, have the decency to put it into words so we can tend to your every whim, instead of leaving us guessing as to what’s actually going to console you…at 3am…when we’re just trying to get some sleep ourselves.

Okay…maybe babies aren’t awesome; but how the world REACTS to these helpless, egotistical, the world-revolves-around-me filth-mongers…is pretty amazing.

How does a baby thank you for a fine meal? – By puking milk down your back. How do they show their appreciation for a dry, laundered change? – By whizzing in your eye before you can get the fresh Huggies strapped.

Yet how do we react under these circumstances? With a laugh…a “how cute”…and incomprehensible baby babble not a soul in the room can understand – especially the baby.

If you really want to get a kick out of the ‘baby experience’ – ignore the kid and instead focus all your attention on all the adults in the room. You have King Caesar, zipped-up in his plush binky, propped on the couch, while all of the big jesters make complete buffoons of themselves at the hope of evoking a royal smile or chuckle…some currency of impression, captured on an iPhone to socially share with a lengthy list of friends and strangers not in the room.

How we REACT to babies…is awesome. And below the surface, I guess the explanation behind our behavior is simple:

Better impress His Majesty as often as possible now, because in 50-years…We will be the disgusting, self-absorbed, chubby foul-creatures who demand nearly every waking moment of their attention to survive…and it’ll be nice to know there are clean diapers are in the cupboard.