So there I stood…in the laundry room…wearing a size-2 pair of Cruel Girl jeans that took me at least 20-minutes to get into. Couldn’t breathe – couldn’t feel my feet – and there was no way in the world I’d even consider trying to zip up.
Quite frankly it was horrifying.
In a panic, I hopped into the kitchen, panicked that I wouldn’t be able to get ‘em off. Can you imagine the years of torment I’d receive if I had to call a buddy for help? I couldn’t bend over, I couldn’t bend my knees – so finally I just flopped onto the couch, peeled the waist inch by inch down to my knees…and 5-minutes later, relinquished myself from the Cruel Girl grip – laying there in a pool of sweat, exhausted.
Yes, while it would have been embarrassing to have been discovered in this position – that embarrassment would have paled in comparison to the torture I would have received…for putting those jeans in the dryer until they were crispy.
When she says – you can WASH these, but don’t DRY them – that’s an ultimatum.
And when you absentmindedly dry them anyway, it’s important as a man you do whatever possible to stretch those jeans back to their original fit.
I may have developed some blood clots – but not once did she say: “You dried these jeans, didn’t you?”